By Jordan Becker
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Just recently, the office of admissions at Harvard University announced that they are accepting no applicants for their class of 2025. This dramatic drop falls in line with the consistent decrease in acceptance rate for admission cycles over the past decade. The committee stressed that “the rejections are no reflection of our applicants’ skill, dedication, or intelligence.” They also made it clear that “although we could not accept anyone this year, we know everyone will end up at their perfect fit.” However, this stunning change is not unique to Harvard; Princeton announced they are bringing in only 5 students, Yale 6, and Stanford 2. Among those accepted, over half of them are board certified neurosurgeons, one of them has been the director of NASA’s Jet Propulsion Lab for the past 5 years, and the final few are the reincarnated souls of the founders of the respective schools. Notably, Greta Thunberg was rejected from every school she applied to in light of her “unsatisfactory” extracurriculars. Many experts are predicting these decreases in acceptances rates will continue indefinitely. “It’s very possible that Harvard may soon stop allowing a number of their upperclassmen to graduate,” remarked an anonymous admissions expert, “current projections are estimating 0 students from any Ivy League school will be accepted or be allowed to graduate by 2035.”
