By Ethan Auritt
Eating has turned into a bit of a pastime for me. Ever since my social interactions were limited due to the dastardly pandemic, my kitchen has turned into my favorite room in my humble south Philly townhouse. I love everything about my kitchen: the freezer, the pantry, the fridge, the coffee maker; hell, even the Brita filter on my counter gives me that 2:30pm Dopamine rush nowadays. But there is NOTHING that will get me going more during lunchtime than a good ol’ fashioned sandwich. The creative possibilities are endless. I could spend all day talking about my top 25 sandwich combos if the biggest moral dilemma of my life was placed upon my plate.
You see, last Thursday (which was traditionally PB&J day in my lunchtime sandwich rotation) I went downstairs to go make myself the ultimate creamy peanut butter and apricot jelly sandwich, when I learned that we only had two (2) slices of bread left in the entire house: The End Pieces of Bread. I didn’t know what to do. I panicked. I went into shock. But I knew there was no way I was going to go hungry. I just stared at the remaining end slices, not knowing what I should do with them. They’re nonuniform. Bulky. Curved. Visually unappealing in almost every way possible. I had been warned many times by both peers and by family about the hidden dangers of the end slices of bread, and the harm it could cause. I decided to ignore the warnings and satisfy my stomach with the most daring Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich the world has ever seen. I took a deep breath, exhaled, and made myself the sandwich. I made sure to slice it into triangles for extra flavor and to add toothpick umbrellas for the tropical vibes. Now was the moment of truth. I slowly lifted my masterful creation to my judgmental lips hoping for an overload of flavor bursting in my mouth. What happened next was life-changing. My first bite of sandwich bread end slices flipped the script on what it means to be a sandwich connoisseur. I’m not afraid to say it anymore, I don’t care if I’m banished from the sandwich community, or even r/Sandwich trashes me on Reddit. Heavenly isn’t even close to the right word to describe the feeling of glory I felt after my accidental discovery. The end slices of a loaf of bread are undeniably the best and will forever be my favorite slices of bread.