Middle School Secret Society

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Devora Solomon

I have often wondered, as I’m sure many of you have, what exactly goes on in Rav Will’s office at break when the swarms of middle schoolers spill out into the hallway. Are they there to doodle on the whiteboard? Have the Dum Dum flavors improved? Or are they simply there for the riveting Torah discussions with Rav Will himself? I’m here to give you the inside scoop. A few days ago, I walked into school as usual and as I approached my locker, I felt that something was off. I opened my locker and out fell a red envelope. The contents of the letter read as follows:

Where: Rav Will’s office

What: You’ll have to come to find out

When: Any break or lunch or five minutes between class (seriously just whenever you have time, we’re always here)

Signed,

*Classified*

Now, I’m sure you’re thinking what I was thinking: How did they get into my locker that has no lock or security measures whatsoever? But, seriously, what is this club? I figured I would just have to go and find out. They seemed pretty flexible on timing,so I decided to go a few days later when I had a free break. As I walked in, I was greeted by the fake smell of caramel and green apple, and I heard the faint  sound of stupid Youtube videos being played from the five channels not banned by school on the iPads.

“Welcome” I heard a voice booming.

The lights flip on and it turns out Rav Will was just testing out a megaphone he got for Purim. I was ushered in by small hands and the flash of braces. I tripped over a bag that was approximately the size of a small middle schooler, and I reached out to grab the hand that was going to help me up, but it turns out it was just Rav Will handing me a Dum Dum. I looked around and saw middle schoolers covering the office, hunched over their iPads as they treasured the time they were allowed to use them. I was welcomed by their leader, a middle schooler whose name I can’t reveal. Just kidding, I don’t remember his name. Anyway, he welcomed me to the secret society of Barrack and asked me if I wanted to be initiated, such that I would be required to spend all of my free time in Rav Will’s office, including one Shabbaton per trimester. I pried my hand from his small sweaty grasp and got out of there as fast as I could.

10/10 would recommend the lollipops, but also 10/10 would avoid that place whenever the secret society is in session.

 

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