Hillel Doesn’t Wash his Jeans

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Jon Cohen

You Guys Know Hillel Right? Well, He Doesn’t Wash His Jeans!

You guys all must know Hillel “The Ghost in the Post” Weitzman by now. Basketball and Lacrosse star, pending JLI applicant, creator of the Cougar’s Monocle, my employer and mentor, and of course, the undeniable stud of the 12th grade – Hillel “The Answer” Weitzman is everything most of us hope to be. But get ready because this one’s a doozy: The guy doesn’t wash his jeans! Those blue American Eagle Jeans you saw him rocking the other day, they’ve been washed zero times. That dark and slightly baggy pair from old navy that makes him look sharp yet relatable, they’ve been washed once, and it was a mistake made by his – now-fired – maid.

I know this a lot to handle, and you may be asking yourself any number of questions like: What does he do with his jeans after wearing them? Well, the simple answer is he puts them in his “do not wash, these are my jeans” pile.   

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Does he sufficiently wash his other clothing? Yes, he does wash his other clothing – I guess he’s just like us in that regard.

Well, why doesn’t he wash his jeans? Well back when jean-washing became popular again, Hillel was on vacation and didn’t hear about the fad so now he’s stuck in his anti-jean-washing ways.

Even those as great as Hillel “Leil-Sauce” Weitzman may have a flaw here or there. If there’s any lesson we can learn from this, it’s that no one is perfect.

 

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