In a press conference early this morning, the CEO of the United States Postal Service announced that they will now be squirting pork juice on every manufactured envelope.
Jews, halachicly against eating pork, are by no surprise shocked and outraged by this recent development. Protests have formed outside USPS trucks all over the country, but have unfortunately been proven ineffective when the USPS trucks moved.
In a later interview with the CEO, the public finally got an answer to the question everyone was wondering: Are the pigs grass fed?
“No” answered the CEO.
This response outraged the animal rights activists across the country.
“It’s one thing to squirt pork juice on envelopes, it is a whole ‘nuther thing to squirt chemical induced pork juice on envelopes.”
In this uprising against Corporate America and the devious, corruptive methods they use to rob us of our money and of our morals, two groups have come together to stand up against it.
Jews and animal rights activists are finally making the dream of people all around the world come true, and are joining forces at last.
The lesson one can take away from this modern David and Goliath story is that with every pork juice squirted onto an envelope, a friendship is formed between a Jew and animal rights activist. While pork juice withers, friends last forever.