Passover is objectively the best Jewish holiday. It’s got it all: The classic Jewish underdog story, a bunch of oppressors trying to destroy our race, God coming in and saving the day, and 3000 years later we eat in celebration. The one flaw in an otherwise dope holiday is that we can’t eat any chametz. So, here’s a list of 5 kosher for Passover foods and chametz-replacements to get you through the holiday.
- Bananas – Loaded with potassium this yellow fruit of Hashem is essential to surviving the 8 days. The only downside is occasionally the top gets mushed during the opening process. Solution: open it from the bottom like monkeys do.
- Rice – Call your Ashkenazi neighbor a shmuck and munch down on the blandest food that people care about.
- Flourless Chocolate Cake – Instead of flour, merely add an extra 4 eggs (sunny side up) into the cake mix.
- Bacon – Not kosher for your everyday life, but on Passover as long as it doesn’t come from the 5 grains, it’s totally cool to eat. Those silly rabbis forgot to specify that regular kashrut applies during Passover too. #EpicFail.
- Pasta – You’re probably eating this already aren’t you? In reality, no amount of quinoa and matzah can come close to replacing the amazingness that is pasta.
But then again Passover ended like two weeks ago so you can eat all the barley and oats your dirty little heart desires.