Why Barrack Should Replace the Three Vending Machines with Three Vending Machine Sized Paintings of Vending Machines

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Hillel Weitzman

   The year is 2020. You walk into the dining commons and see the flood of high schoolers sitting in their flying cars, eating their virtual lunches. You turn to the right and see the haughty group of seniors, dressed in nothing but loincloth and snapbacks, which are back in style. You turn to the left. You see three beautiful murals. Each as unique as the next, and each only extending a few inches off the wall, leaving optimal space for passers-by. This is my vision for the future of Barrack.

   I’m sure I am not alone when I say that this is the Barrack I want to spend my final year in, and the Barrack I want my kids, and their kids to spend their formative years in. But there is one thing, nay, three things standing in the way of my vision- the three obnoxiously sized vending machines sitting to the left of the entrance to the dining commons.  

   The solution, as aforementioned, is to replace these money-eating, space-consuming, ghastly vending machines with three elegant vending machine-sized paintings of vending machines. There are endless reasons why this just makes logical sense, but to accommodate our readers’ busy schedules, I will hold myself to just listing three.

   The first reason goes beyond logistics and common sense and looks at the dilemma from an ethical standpoint. School is stressful. One method of relieving stress, often utilized by suburban teenagers, is stress eating. Too many times I have seen my friends get bad grades on tests and go straight down to the vending machines and throw away hundreds of dollars a day on party snacks and honey buns. When these kids come home they not only have to tell their parents about the underwhelming grade they received, but have to tell their already disappointed parents that they, again, spent all of their money on the school vending machines. This is tearing families apart. Is selling a few honey roasted pretzels worth destroying dozens of families? Is it even worth destroying one family? I think not, and I hope the Barrack Administration can open their eyes and see what is happening because of their doings.

   The second reason is more logistical. The current vending machine situation is the furthest thing from optimal by spatial measures. The machines extend forty-five inches out into the dining commons, taking up a major portion of our, the students, space to eat. Why should our ability to eat lunch in the DINING commons be compromised for three lifeless machines? Aren’t we the ones paying tens of thousands of dollars a year? Replacing these extensive machines with three paintings of vending machines would solve this issue. Those who enjoy looking at the vending machines while they dine will still have that luxury, just not at the cost of children’s ability to eat. It’s about time something is done about this, it has gone on for too long.

   The third reason why Barrack should replace their three vending machines with three vending machine-sized paintings of vending machines is one that seems quite obvious to me. Paintings are beautiful. The Sistine Chapel, Mona Lisa, and the statue of liberty are just a few of a long list of beautiful paintings. Why wouldn’t Barrack want to join this list? We have the opportunity of being in the same conversation with names like Marc Chagall, Picasso, Michelangelo, and plenty of other owners of paintings, and we are passing it up for a food dispensing machines? Is that really the Barrack that you want being associated with your name? Is that really the Barrack that is supposed to stand on the principles of Love Where You Learn? I have had enough, and I hope you all have to. It’s time we implement common sense vending machine reform.

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